Quarter Life Crisis

Have you ever felt like you are just existing through life? That life is just a boring routine? (i.e. work, home, sleep then repeat). Do you sometimes feel like you haven't achieved anything significant in your life? Are there times that you just feel lost and confused? Have you ever felt that there must be more to life? If you have answered yes to any of the above questions then you have experienced symptoms of a "Quarter life crisis". (I know that just sounded like a TV advert lol). This term (similar to mid life crisis) is mainly applicable to people who are in their 20's that have finished formal education and are transitioning to living in the real world.

The real world is a massive place and can be very overwhelming. When you are in you 20s you start to feel a lot of pressure. Examples include the pressure to know your career path, pressure to marry, pressure to have children, pressure to have a particular job, pressure to move out of your parent’s house. There are all these expectations it seems we need to fulfil. There are many decisions we need to make but a lot of the time we are unsure whether we are making the right one. Sometimes I feel I am just living a routine life. I'm always wondering isn't there more to life than having academic qualifications, a 9-5, marriage, kids, a mortgage then going on a pension until you die?

I guess that is when the whole finding your purpose and passion in life comes in. When you do know what your purpose is in life then you can live a fulfilled life. This is something I am still trying to figure out, my purpose and true passion. I watched one of Oprah's life classes where she talked about purpose. There are many people who like myself are unsure of their life purpose, even people who are in their 40s/50s. There are also people who seem to have everything going for them in life (i.e. successful careers and wealth) but still feel unfulfilled with their lives.

One thing that was said in the life class was that finding your purpose is a journey (please note your purpose is not always your career). Life is also a journey and it is also one of self-discovery. It is the process of finding yourself (which can take years). Being on this journey can allow you to learn new things about yourself through your life experiences which helps to mould you. Like planning a journey you can plan your life (Believe me I used to plan everything in my life from my career, to the money I'll earn to the age I will be married to when I'll have my first child etc) but life doesn't always go according to how you plan it (I'm sure we can all testify to this). Unless you are psychic you can never be certain of what the future holds.

I believe that everyone has their own destiny. Your journey is unique and it is not supposed to be the same as someone else's journey. Therefore we should not compare ourselves with other people because their life journey is not meant for us (I admit I have been guilty of comparing myself to others which only discouraged me). I came to a realisation that I am me and there will only be one me so I should aim to be the best ME I can be. Yes you can have role models and be inspired by others but never aim to be someone else (I am sure you have all heard the quote "you were born an original so don't die a copy"). I believe that we should try our best to enjoy and make the most of our lives. After all we only have one life. We should seize the moment, try new things and find out things about ourselves. In addition praying for guidance and meditating can help lead us to finding out our purpose.

I know this post does not apply to everyone; there are some people who know their life purpose and are fulfilling it. I love seeing people who are fulfilling their purpose, it really motivates me. I believe that God has a plan for every one of us "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps" (Proverbs 16:9). Our ways are not God's ways but I believe that God will make sure that things work out for the better in our lives. Those of you who are unsure of your purpose I think we should embrace our journey of discovering what it is and view it as an adventure. One quote Joyce Meyer says is that we should enjoy where we are at on the way to where we are going.

This is one of my favorite songs by India Arie and I would like you to really listen to the lyrics

Written By Dinah

Real, Fake or Self Hate?

    
        
If I got a pound for every guy who complained about girls being fake with their weaves, make-up, false lashes etc I would probably be on the forbes list. There is this whole debate of Natural beauty vs Fake beauty. On the extreme ends of the spectrum you get people who scream "Team natural" and believe that everyone should be 100%  natural. You also get those who believe in enhancing your appearance by any means necessary.

Firstly I will address the hair issue. Personally I love to wear weave (yes I admit I am a weave-aholic) and I like to wear make up on special occasions. However when I was younger I strongly believed in natural beauty. I never wore make up, my hair was natural and I wore it either in cornrows, twists or braids. My natural hair texture is very kinky and thick (4C type hair). I used to cry when getting my hair done because it was extremely painful (a few combs also got broken during the process). During my latter teen years I decided to relax my hair because I could no longer cope with the pain of maintaining my natural hair. A few weeks later I also got my first weave. 

Before I get attacked by Team Natural I do understand the origins of hair relaxing. Lye was used on the hair of African slaves as a form of punishment and it was later realised that Lye straightened afro textured hair.That is when the relaxer was born. Hair relaxing is also damaging because of the very strong chemicals it contains which can also cause burns to the scalp. Many females relax their hair because they find permed hair easier to maintain and more manageable. I do not believe that relaxing your hair is a sign of self hatred. However if the reason for you relaxing your hair is because you dislike your natural afro hair, then yes it is self hate. In regards to weave I think it is down to personal preference. It is a great protective style whether you are natural or relaxed. Though some argue that wearing a weave means you are conforming to the white standard of beauty. This is because a lot of weaves women wear mimick that of European hair (i.e long straight hair). Some natural people argue that we should leave our hair in it's natural afro state because that is how it is supposed to be, kincky and curly not bone straight.

The next issue I will address is make up. I believe that make up is supposed to enhance your beauty, not give you a brand new face. I hate seeing females who constantly cake their faces in foundation or have that "Clown" look. What's even worse is when a female takes off her make up and she looks like a completely different person.This is when the whole "deception" argument comes in. Those who never set foot outside their homes without make up I believe they either have low self-esteem or a deeper insecurity issue and need help. Do not get me wrong I love to wear make up and if I am going on a night out with friends I may wear  a bold lip colour. But I always aim to make sure that I still look like ME.

In regards to using surgical procedures to alter your bodies (i.e butt implants) I address this issue in another blog post "Body Image and the Black women" which you can read.

I do like the natural movement and I think it is great to exude your natural beauty. I also support enhancing your beauty whether it is by wearing make up, hair extensions, acrylic nails etc (as long as you do not go over the top like Lil Kim). To illustrate my view I will use Gabrielle Union as an example. Though she is wearing make-up and weave in the picture she doesn't look fake but still looks kind of natural.  At the end of the day, it is all down to your own  personal preference but it is also important for you  to be happy and comfortable in your own skin and not hide behind a mask.

Gabrielle
union

Written By Dinah